Courtesy of Bird coach and facilitator Michaela Horan CPCC, I have started reading Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach. So far it’s been an incredibly helpful read, with multiple resonant moments, and pointers to take forward.
One of the key learning points I’ve taken away so far is the idea of taking a pause. The author talks about how so often we are trying to move away from our present reality. Even as simple as being on a train counting down how many stations there are left to go until we get home, or waiting until dinner is ready by clock watching and doing a million other jobs in the meantime. I know I am guilty of resisting just being, pausing, resting in existence.
She shares this powerful passage:
‘In our lives we often find ourselves in situations we can’t control, circumstances in which none of our strategies work. Helpless and distraught, we frantically try to manage what is happening. Our child takes a downward turn in academics, and we issue one threat after another to get him in line. Someone says something hurtful to us, and we strike back quickly or retreat. We make a mistake at work, and we scramble to cover it up or go out of our way to make up for it. We head into emotionally charged confrontations nervously rehearsing and strategising. The more we fear failure the more frenetically our bodies and minds work. We fill our days with continued movement: mental planning and worrying, habitual talking, fixing, scratching, adjusting, phoning, snacking, discarding, buying, looking in the mirror.
What would it be like if, right in the midst of this busyness, we were to consciously take our hands off the controls?… What if we were to intentionally stop our mental computations and our rushing around and, for a minute or two, simply pause and notice our inner experience?’ Page 50-51
I have been trying to do this. I was delivering my first in-person piece of work this week and felt nervous. In response to the nerves I had planned the session extensively. In the weeks leading up to the day I had been going over the outline of the session over and over, trying to ‘make sure’ it would all be ok. Trying to control. On the way up to the session I felt the nerves again, but this time I remembered Tara Brach’s wisdom. I stopped and paused and just felt the nerves. I was present, I welcomed the feelings, I took my hands off the controls. In response to that the session went really well, the attendees were in control, I just held the space in an authentic, human, honest way. It was better for me and I believe, better for them too.
It can be hard to take a step back, especially when we feel we’re in the middle of a storm, but in reality, it can be one of the most powerful, conscious, courageous things we can do, and it can actually lead us to a better place in the end.
With love as always, Hannah and Team Bird
Image by @jan_huber at https://unsplash.com