I’ve been through a number of personal ups and downs over the past few years, and luckily, recently, I feel like I’m coming out the other side of the storm. I wouldn’t actually change a moment of it, I think I’ve done some much needed working out, dealing with, and processing of beliefs I’d held about myself for decades, it has been very emotionally painful at times, but I feel I have a whole new level of understanding of myself because I’ve been on that journey.
Of course, tonnes of people have been immensely kind and supportive as I’ve been on this rollercoaster, and I was reflecting recently on what the most helpful support looked like. And after some consideration, the most useful support, hands down, was empathy.
The moments over the past few years where someone has looked at me and said something like ‘I get it, it’s super tough, you will be ok’ have been so helpful. And the reason they’ve been helpful is because they’re phrases that, on a deeper level, say ‘you’re not on your own, I hear you, I’m here for you, when you need me to be I’ll be on the journey with you’. Connection has helped me through. People just being with me through the journey has helped immeasurably.
What hasn’t helped as much is where people have given advice, judged my situation, or pitied me. Basically those moments where people keep you at a distance, but offer their thoughts on where you should go or what you should do. In honesty, most advice has wisdom in it, but we all have to get to those epiphanies ourselves, in our own ways. We have to feel our way to the answers for those answers to really stick.
At the risk of over egging her work, Brené Brown and the RSA have a beautiful video summing all of this up wonderfully.
In essence, I think we all just want to help others when they’re in times of need. Empathy, getting alongside others, being with rather than advising on, are likely the most useful things for those around you to receive.
With love as always, Hannah and Team Bird
Photo by Mayur Gala on Unsplash