Through the pandemic, and particularly more recently, I have experienced a variety of emotions. I have felt lost, lethargic, uninspired at times, but also connection, love, calm, but then also anxiety, and frustration. Effectively, I’ve felt very all over the place emotionally, and I have struggled to regulate or self-soothe.
I wondered if it was depression, I wondered why my usual go-tos of running and yoga and meeting up with friends and reading wasn’t working to shift my mood. I wondered where my ‘get up and go’ had gone, and was confused that even though the days were long and bright I preferred to sit in front of the tv and watch box sets.
It has been very unsettling and disheartening.
And then I came across the term ‘pandemic flux syndrome’. It’s a term coined by Amy Cuddy, and she explains in more detail the ins and outs of it in this Washington Post article.
It’s the idea that the ongoing uncertain nature of a pandemic has a profound impact on our moods. It explores how we have the capacity to deal with unprecedented situations for a period of time, but then we run out of steam and effectively burn out.
Essentially for me the following quote hit home:
‘All in all, if you’re experiencing increased sadness or anxiety along with an urge to dramatically change something about your life — some of the markers of pandemic flux syndrome — be assured you’re not alone. Many people are feeling such tensions. Although human beings are more resilient than we generally appreciate, it will take time for many of us to stably recover, to reflect and recalibrate.’
I expected there to be a moment, around early summer when the vaccines in the UK reached a number of people, where I would feel ‘back to normal’, where I would connect to hope and optimism and planning and excitement about the future. But it just didn’t seem to come. The article talks about us having no clear ‘fresh start moment’ which for me, in hindsight now, has had such an impact. That sense of unease continued and had a significant impact on my wellbeing.
Last week I was lucky enough to go on holiday abroad. I know that’s out of the realms of possibility for many right now and I am extremely grateful I was able to go. There was a lot of Covid hoop jumping to get through but we managed it, and I’ve come back to the UK feeling a little bit like I’ve just had that ‘fresh start moment’. I feel hopeful again about the future, I feel excited to plan future learning and travel.
This pandemic has had an impact on everyone in one way or another, and I think it helps to put words to the experience. As the article and the quote above suggest, we are not on our own in this emotional journey, and I would add, that with time and a few more joyful experiences, we won’t feel like this forever.
Sending love as always, Hannah and Team Bird
Image by Christian Joudrey at Unsplash