I’ve had a feeling in my stomach for the past few days that I haven’t been able to name. It hasn’t been hopelessness, I’ve had a tonne of ideas about the future and Bird and how things will develop (I’m thinking re-wilding, treehouses in the woods, space for connection to self, nature and each other – any wisdom on how to make this a physical reality very much appreciated…) but, overall, I’ve just felt a bit, ‘meh’.
I thought I’d be jumping for joy about the pubs, cafes, and shops re-opening. I have had a lovely time with coffee outside a cafe, and an interesting time in a pub beer garden (drinks took an hour to come, I think they underestimated how many people would be thirsty!) and have loved a couple of purchasing moments I’ve had recently. But still, there’s been this kind of heaviness in my heart.
My gremlin tells me not to be ungrateful, to lean into my optimism, but I know that the healthiest thing for me to do is to acknowledge the feeling, get curious about it, and try to process it.
This morning a fellow Bird shared this article with me on languishing. It was so very helpful, and felt like a light switch was turned on as I explored the content. My take away from it was, yes things are opening up, yes fewer people are getting sick and we are turning a corner, but also we have just had the most challenging year and we have to acknowledge the fatigue and grief that can come with that.
The article says of languishing, that it’s ‘the neglected middle child of mental health [and] can dull your motivation and focus — and it may be the dominant emotion of 2021.’ It isn’t about feeling depressed, but it isn’t about feeling joyful either. It’s that confusing middle space that feels a bit like being stuck, a bit heavy, a bit lethargic.
And so many of us are feeling this right now.
For me, it’s so helpful to put a name to it. From there I can work out what to do moving forward. I think the key is to take things step by step. To listen to our bodies and minds and take things really really slow. To give ourselves permission to take baby steps back into the big wide world, to know that it’s ok to still be still and quiet at home a lot of the time.
Languishing, it seems, is a feeling we are collectively experiencing, but I do think with time we will emerge out of it.
With love as ever, Hannah and Team Bird
Photo by Jeremy Bishop on Unsplash