I’ve been cycling my bike for about two years. I used to stick to road cycling but more recently have been going out and about in the South Downs near my home with Keivor for a spot of off road mountain biking.
It is a lovely way to spend the afternoon, cycling around, building up a sweat and celebrating at the end with a pub lunch and a glass of wine.
However…
Mountain biking is the only place I seem to experience complete and utter rage. I find myself attempting to navigate a difficult hill, and slowly but surely morphing back into teenage rage Hannah. When I was fourteen I used to get so frustrated at my Saturday morning cleaning job that I regularly threw the hoover down the stairs. So when teenage Hannah overtakes me whilst cycling, I have been known to get off my bike, scream at it and throw it down the hill.
So for someone who most of the time affects a peaceful presence, it’s quite a shock when I transform into rage Hanny. In a way though, it is a relief. I believe each of us has the same range of emotions, but often choose to use a small number of them. I’ve spoken to many folk who suppress anger, or just don’t acknowledge it lives in them. But it does, and if expressed in a place that doesn’t harm others it is perfectly ok to unleash it. In fact it’s healthy to unleash it.
I definitely still have some learning to do with the safe unleashing of anger. Keivor currently has to witness the tantrum like behaviour, often with bewilderment. I’m toying with his idea to channel the anger into actually getting up the hill instead. He does talk a lot of sense.
But fundamentally I deliberately try to express emotions. All too often we are told to stop being ’emotional’ or ‘sensitive’. But in reality all we all are is a complex system of emotions. And all the actions we ever take are an attempt to feel good or feel happy. I don’t think our emotions are given enough time, or credit for being the physical indicators that situations are or aren’t serving us. Anger is just one of those emotions, and if left suppressed we are potentially missing some important information about the situation we are in. My anger on the hill tells me it’s time to get fitter, to get better at cycling my bike if I want to fulfil ambitions to cycle in the real epic mountains of the world.
I endeavour to be as emotional as possible as often as possible. Because I want to experience the full range of being a human. I am only here once.
Nice one, Hannah! Such a much needed and timely reminder. I constantly want to tell people close to me ‘you’ve made me really happy doing …’, ‘Thank you so much, this has made a huge difference to me’ or ‘that hurts’, ‘I get upset hearing that’, ‘this actually makes me angry’ and so on. The positive things I say and people don’t really listen and the other true feelings I suppress, just as you say, because we are told ‘don’t be negative’. It always feels like I am in a cell or with a noose around my neck, unable to breathe freely, say what I feel, be me. Thank you so much for the reminder that feelings are real, are good, are natural, are ALLOWED. I will endeavour to let others know how I feel. A
Thank you Angela – I am so pleased this post has reminded you that feelings are good and natural and definitely allowed. If we don’t embrace our feelings, what else is there?! Excited to hear you are going to express how you feel to others. Lots of love and light to you xx
Hi hanny
That message has come at a perfect timing for me! I am disappointed about some changes I found out about how my job will differ from September (I only found out yesterday so v good timing!!!)
I tried to ‘look in the bright side’ about it all last night but your post has made me realise that my feelings show that I don’t want to ‘miss important information about the situation I am in’ and might try to change it a bit!!!
Thanks hanny!!
So glad it helped Amy! It’s so simple isn’t it but I think easy to forget to just ‘be with’ the emotion that’s coming up, and then decide what needs to be done. Let me know what you decide to change x