This week the blog is written by our brilliant Operations Lead here at Bird, Natalie. Read on for her insights into a recent silent retreat she experienced.
Would it be a wild idea to spend almost five days alone(ish), at home, and without speaking? Not even to the dog? In the depths of the darkness of January, I took five days out of the busyness of life to sit, lie and move in (almost/mainly) silence in the comfort of my living room. It felt like a radical, and essential, step to take – I’m so glad I did.
I’ve often thought about going on a silent retreat, albeit with a vague idea of what would happen when I got there. Is eye contact ok? No sounds at all? Really? I’d say I’m fond of passing the time of day in chatter with folks I know and don’t know – could I put that to the side for almost a week? What if I fall asleep and start snoring?
As a first timer on retreat I wanted to reflect on my responses to the new experiences, just allow them to happen with no pressure. One of the great aspects of the online and at home format was the option to discreetly step back at any time. Some of the time it was tricky to stay in the meditation practice – which, of course, is still the meditation practice.
Having connected with Mindful Self Compassion a few years ago, I’ve often come back to the Self Compassion Break in challenging, or even crisis, moments. With the words curiosity and kindness at the front of my mind, I returned to these familiar mindfulness practices. The usual distractions removed, time seemed to slow down and stretch. I did some talking to friends and their dogs in the park – and that was ok. On the second day, a calmness eased itself around me and settled in.
Since I’ve emerged from the cocoon of the retreat, I find myself mindfully sorting through a cupboard or drawer, using the vegetables in the fridge to try out a new recipe, taking myself to bed before I fall asleep on the sofa, measuring and ordering a frame for that print I’ve been looking at for years… and the list goes on. I hadn’t anticipated this being quite how the time post-retreat would play out. I hadn’t thought that far ahead at all, really.
An act of self-care as simple as showing up as much as I could for a silent retreat is having effects that are bubbling to the surface in unexpected and delightful ways. When we can hear the voice that says “don’t do it”, and decide to move through that discomfort, the rewards can be huge, profound and pleasantly unexpected.
With love as always, Natalie, Hannah and Team Bird
PS. Our blog will have a pause for two weeks and will resume again w/b 3rd April.
Photo by sendi gibran on Unsplash