I was comparing myself to others the other day. Like many of us, I go into comparison with people around the same age as me, noticing they are doing things I haven’t done, or making stuff happen that I haven’t, looking better, having a more active social life or sense of community than me. There’s always plenty of success to see in others, and then by default I feel a sense of lacking or losing in myself.
I know it’s a human trait to be competitive, our ancestors had to be competitive to survive way back when. But I think it’s less necessary now, or perhaps just something that can enliven us in a playful fun way. It’s perhaps not quite as necessary in terms of survival in most areas of our lives anymore.
And yet we still do it.
As I was comparing myself the other day, a little voice in the back of my mind piped up ‘what if you just surrender Hannah, what if you say they win, you lose…’ The coach in me immediately thought, gosh we are going down a very self-depreciating avenue here, I’m literally sat here telling myself I’m a loser! But, the feeling, and the impact on my nervous system told a very different story.
I felt calm. I felt accepting. I even found myself feeling happy for those I was previously ‘competing’ against. I felt free.
If I put down the baton, surrender my hand, decide I’m no longer in the race, I can actually be and do whatever I want. I can create a new game. Perhaps a less competitive game. One that is inclusive and fun and is just about having a damn good life, even if that just means sitting in my pyjamas eating biscuits and watching Ted Lasso.
By opting out of the competition you get to write your own rules. You get to lean into fun, play and curiosity rather than trying to get ahead of others. Opting out of the competition leaves more room for collaboration and connection. Opting out of the competition can be the most liberating thing we can do for ourselves.
With love as always, Hannah and Team Bird
Photo by Braden Collum on Unsplash